Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
