I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
