my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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