He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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