she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
