So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize