she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
