A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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