I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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