No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
