Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
