ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
