I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
