Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
