so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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