Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
