I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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