I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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