hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
