i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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