When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize