last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
