how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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