I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
