Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
