birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ladies don't puke and tell
i think im in europe. pls send help
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
