just tell him i said nine months
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
