Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
