if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
