I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
