the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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