He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
