This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
