and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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