This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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