He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
