Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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