He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
