Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
