im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
