He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
