i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
