your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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