just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize