i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
