I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize