he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
vagina is talking i cant
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
