pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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