i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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