I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
