I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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