How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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