In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
