I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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