Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
