if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
