her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
