No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
