Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
