I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Farmville is her only friend.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize