I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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