69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
