FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
