I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize